Training of DOOM!
by kekame
Summary: Ishida's terrible, horrible, very bad, no good night. Ichigo and Yoruichi have a new type of training. Orihime thinks up something new to eat. Chad is basically Teh Winz. Beware of randomness.


Ishida was on his way to the 24-hour sewing shop right around 2 AM one night, when he spotted Orihime and Chad spying through a hole in the fence in front of the Uruhara Shop.

"What are you guys doing!" He whispered loudly.

"Shh!" They put their fingers to their mouths.

Ishida peered through the fence. Yoruichi was standing next to Ichigo saying, "Allright, I'm teaching you many methods you must prepare to face. The first thing I will attempt to do is kick you in the crotch."

"What!" Ichigo demanded, but she was so fast she was already on him. He barely evaded the first kick, but did not escape the second.

groan "Yourichi… that wasn't necessary."

"Of course it was. If you have the will to evade, you will not get kicked."

After letting Ichigo rest a few minutes, she started explaining again. "For the next part, you will attempt to run from here to the fence without letting me trip you."

"Right." Ichigo nodded. "Here I go."

He took off at Shunpo speed, but Yoruichi was faster and managed to kick him several times right in the shin. Finally, she swiped her foot under him and he fell flat on his face.

"Agh, you know that really hurts my shins! Was that necessary!"

"Of course it was necessary – if you're gonna do this, you have to be able to continue going no matter what. It's all about willpower."

"The last part I am not going to explain to you. You will have to figure out what to do on your own." She calmly approached Ichigo and sat next to him in a non-threatening way. She smiled widely and said, "You've been working hard… care to take a little break?" Ichigo nodded and she took that opportunity to grab his chin and tilt his head towards her. "Yep," she decided, "You need a break." She placed her lips on his and kissed him aggressively. She wrapped her hands around him and pulled him closer.

3…. 2…. 1…. "WHAT THE HELL!" Ichigo pulled back and began spitting cat fur out of his mouth. What was once a regular kiss had turned into whiskers and fur and a rough kitty tongue. "EWW! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR!" Likewise the black cat was spitting into the grass as if it had just tasted something nasty. "Its your own fault!" Yoruichi yelled. "You were supposed to resist that! What were you waiting for!"

Ichigo fumed. "WHAT! What was I supposed to think about that! AND HOW WAS THAT NECESARY!"

"Tch" Yoruichi scolded as she transformed back to human. "There is a third seat who has a poison kiss and a fukutaichou who can steal your life energy by kissing you…"

That didn't make Ichigo feel any better. He silently fumed in the corner of the yard.

"Anyways," Orihime told Ishida, "We were just watching Ichigo train – the question is what are _you_ doing out here at 2 AM?"

"Err… just going to the 24-hour sewing shop… my needle broke so my bobbin wasn't getting any…"

Orihime couldn't handle it. Something about hearing Ishida say that his needle broke was really funny. She bursted out into laughter.

Yoruichi got up and flung the gates open and said to the eavesdroppers, "Oh, more trainees. Excellent. Ishida, you can go first." With that she gave him a swift kick to the crotch before he could hold his hands up and say he wasn't interested. Ishida hit the ground screaming and the contents of his sewing basket went flying. 'So,' Orihime pondered, 'He really IS a man.'

Yoruichi smiled and patted Orihime on the head. "Don't worry sweetie, as a woman, you're already immune to all these tactics." Orihime sparkled and sat pleasntly watching.

"Ready Chado?" Yoruichi asked, ignoring a 'Hey! You didn't ask me if I was ready!' coming from Ishida on the ground. "Nnn" Chad grunted in reply and braced himself. She delivered a kick right to him. He did not react. "Very nice!" She complimented. "You're ready for the next round! Go ahead and run to the fence." He did so, and what do you know – nothing can stop a moving Chad.

"Ishida. Get up and run to the fence." Ishida staggered to his feet and limped/ran as well as he could. Its best not to go into the details of this test unless you're interested in hearing about Ishida's face covered with dirt. As for his commentary on the third test he said, "Don't come near me woman." And her response to that was, "Good. You learned something tonight."

"Well," she announced, "Only Chad passed all three tests. Ichigo, you're close. But Ishida, if I were you I wouldn't even bother participating."

"Participate?" Ishida was confused "Wait… what kind of mission is this? Who are we fighting?" Chad and Orihime nodded, equally wanting to know.

Ichigo and Yoruichi stared at them for a second and then fell on the ground from laughing so hard. "It's the… HAHA… the _Annual Friendly Shinigami Relay Race_ held in Rukongai!"

"Yeah," Ichigo said, "Anyone can participate from kids to taichous."

"Yep." Yoruichi agreed, "He said he had to impress Rukia no matter what."

Ichigo blushed. "I did not say that!"

Orihime started laughing too. "Now I get it! That was an awesome way for you to train against women who would manipulate you and children who would kick your feet! How thoughtful, Yoruichi!"

"That's my girl!" Yoruichi grinned and patted her on the head.

Chad shrugged. "I guess if Ichigo is going to be in it, I will too." He and Ichigo slapped fives.

Ishida was no the odd one out. He still had dirt on his face and was fuming mad. He got up to walk, but he could only limp. He mumbled something about how his needle really was broken now and that he would presently continue on to the sewing shop. Orihime burst out into laughter once again, and Ishida turned around angrily. "WHY DO YOU LAUGH EVERYTIME I SAY THAT!"

Ichigo laughed too. "If you have to ask that, Ishida…"

Orihime pulled something out of her pocket. "Here, Ishida – these are for you. I brought cookies and you look like you could use them to cheer you up."

"Uhh… thanks." He took the container and limped off towards the sewing shop.

He opened the container. There were cookies allright… wasabi meatball cookies. _Thanks Inoue, thanks_.


End file.
